I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
