i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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