She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
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You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize