Plan B is the new Plan A
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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