Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
