tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm really busy with my period
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