dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
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