Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
