Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
