I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
