Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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