i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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