yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
