I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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