I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
