I'm jealous of your bromance
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
