I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
