I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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