Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
