I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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