just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
