I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
