THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
