Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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