I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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