Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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