I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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