He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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