i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
