Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
