Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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