I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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