I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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