i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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