my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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