That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
