Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
