So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
