I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if only i could text you this smell
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
