there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
