How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
