No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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