Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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