you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
