Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
