...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
