I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
