He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
