i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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