I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sober January is a disaster.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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