i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
