She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
