I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
