i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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