How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
the liver wants what the liver wants
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
