I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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