You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
