pedialite and red bull = repair kit
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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