I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
