i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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