I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
