No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
