I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Two words: blizzard sex
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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