Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
