I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
