I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
