Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
wow bdsm is so cute
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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