making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
