1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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