she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
