A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
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My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize