She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
