literally had 100 drinks last night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize