haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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