hell yes lets make some ravioli
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
