It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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