He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We had to coat check the pizza.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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