I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
