Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
