Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
